worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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