Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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