Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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