So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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