it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
