I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
