he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I want is dick and wine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
