Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
