yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
