Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
