I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
nutella sex= disaster
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
