I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
