when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
