is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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