I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
