I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
