Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
