I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
