alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
