sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this boner is exhausting
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
