Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
