he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
