just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
