She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
