and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dignity is for republicans.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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