garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
