It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
