you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
