I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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