who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
