..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
