I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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