I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
