anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
