So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
