I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
