so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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