I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize