i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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