wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
