got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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