I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
