Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
