why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
