I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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