Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
