You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
