I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
