so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
