Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
