Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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