it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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