my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
