I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
