smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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