ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
