Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
