I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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