omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bring money and cleavage
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
