It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
