A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
