You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕