So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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