I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Terrible idea I love it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please