Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.