I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting