Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.