Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
